Did you hear that Google is now offering free email accounts that are 500 times bigger than Yahoo's or MSN's accounts?
Yep, but there is a catch: Google plans on reading your mail and then delivering ads based upon the content of the email.
So if your wife sends you a note saying, "If you don't figure out a way to get your dick hard, then I'm going to be forced to bone Santos our pool boy."
Then Google will include three ads in her message: First for Viagra to offer help for your problematic erectile dysfunction. Second for Purina dog food to help build healthy bones. and to satisfy the most important need - a local pool service.
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is five hundred rupees less than we agreed on," he said. "I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you five hundred rupees, and you never complained." The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
Santa was talking to his fiancee, Jeeto, and he said, "Be honest, how am I as a lover?" To which Jeeto replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm." "Really?" Santa said excitedly. "Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'." Santa was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old veteran, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate of the military hospital, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to generals and their role as our leaders.
The old veteran said, "Well, as I see it, most generals are 'Post Turtles'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'Post Turtle' was.