There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.
A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held. "I must say," says the executive, "Your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the man. "Well," continues the executive "there's not much positive in that." "Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter."
A farmer was in town at noon and went intoa a restaurant for a hamburger and french fries. When he was served, he quietly bowed his head and gave the Lord thanks for his food. Some rough-looking fellows at the next table saw him and thought they would give him a hard time. One of them called out, "Hey, Farmer, does everyone do that where you live?" "No, Son," answered the farmer, "the pigs and donkeys don't."
There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws place. He was absolutely positive that his wife was going to present him with a boy and wouldn't hear of anything else. As his leave balance had gone into the red, he told his father-in-law, "When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have become a father of a boy. Then I'll have to shell out a lot for parties, etc. Just tell me that the clock has
A golfer sends his ball into the trees. As he tries to bring the ball back to the fairway, he discovers a gap among the trees. With his wooden club, he tries to hit the ball to the green in his second hit. However, the ball hits a tree, bounces back and lands in the golfer's face. He dies on the spot. At the heavenly gate, St Peter asks the golfer about his activities back on earth. When he hears that the man used to play golf, St Peter, with seeming interest, asks, "And were you any good at it?" "You could say that," the deceased smiles. "I made it here in two strokes."