Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body. "He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man. "He was
An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when the old woman died. The entire family showed up for the funeral, and every day after the funeral the old man would visit the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there. The groundskeeper at the cemetary, after two months of observing this ritual, decided to go talk to the old man. "Hello there. You know, I see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave and I just think that so sweet. I was wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you." "No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face. "Doctor," he says, "You've got to help me. Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?" "Yes," the doctor replies. "Well they've suddenly gone away," Murray says. "So what's the problem?" "I think I'm going deaf."
My son asked me if we could have a tree this Christmas. I told him I didn't want to pay for a tree and that's that.
He wouldn't stop asking though, every five minutes he wanted to know why we couldn't have a tree. In the end I grabbed my axe and stormed out of the house. Ten minuted later I returned with an eight foot Christmas tree.
"Wow," said my son. "You cut that down quick."
"Son," I replied, "I didn't cut it down, I got it from the local shop."
He looked puzzled and said, "Why did you take the axe then?"
"I told you, I didn't want to pay for a Christmas tree."