At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
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Wife calls hubby...

Wife: Kahan per ho, kyaya kar rahe ho?

Hubby: O yaar, kuch mat pucho, bura haal hai. Office mein hoon, bahut jyada busy hoon, kaam hi hi kaam hai, saans lene ki bhi phursat nahin hai. Aur tum batao, kya kar rahi ho, bachche kya kar rahe hain?

Wife: KFC mein tumhare peeche bachchon ke saath bethi hun aur bachche pooch rahe hain ki papa ke saath kaun nai BUA bethi hain?
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The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop.

A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.

"Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?"

"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am... a stunt driver?"
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A woman was suing a man for defamation of character, charging that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial, he asked the Judge, "Does this mean that I can't call Miss Stuart a pig?"

The Judge said that was accurate.

"Does this also mean that I can't call a pig 'Miss Stuart'?" the man asked.

The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig 'Miss Stuart' with no fear of legal action.

The man then looked Miss Stuart directly in the eye and said, "Good afternoon, Miss Stuart!"
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Several years ago a mother gave her son 2 quarters. One was for his Sunday School offering. The other was for an ice cream cone on the way home form Sunday Scholl.
Well, Billy was flipping one quarter in the air and catching it on the way down. This happened 8 times or so when all of a sudden the quarter was flopped into the air, but Billy missed catching it. It rolled down the storm sewer and was gone.
Billy looked skyward and prayed, "Sorry, God, that was your quarter.
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A busload of American tourists were heading towards Punjab on G.T. Road when suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes. Lying on the road in front was Santa with his ear to the ground. Passengers trooped out of the bus and crowded around him.

"Hey, what are you doing down there pal?" asked one of the tourists.

Santa slowly raised his head and replied, "Green Matador 25 km away travelling at 80 km."

"Wow," exclaimed the tourist, "You can tell us that by listening to the road?"

"No," croaked Santa, "I fell off the damned thing."
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