Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks." So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together
At the time of Indo-Pak war in 1971, Pakistan Air Force had just acquired the state of the art Sabre jet from US. The jet had some outstanding technical features which were being explained by a US instructor to some trainee Paksitani pilots. The US instructor explained the aircraft's automatic take off, automatic maneuvring, automatic supersonic acceleration, automatic weapon loading and automatic firing. Eventually, one Pakistani pilot asked, "Sir, How do we land this aircraft?" The US instructor said, "Son, Leave that to the Indian Air Force."
Banta walked through the forest when he heard a cry for help. He found a dwarf, stuck in a trap. He freed the dwarf, and the dwarf granted him two wishes.
"My first wish," Banta said, "is a bottle of whiskey that will never be empty."
And flash, there was the bottle. Banta opened it, and drank it empty. The next moment, the bottle was full again. Banta was very happy.
A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.
The owner replied, "Sorry, I don't have any at the moment."
"Damn and blast!" said the blonde, "I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot," explained the Blonde.
"Well," said the owner, "if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed."
"Damn and blast!" said the blonde, "I can't come on that day or for some time after."
"Why not?" Asked the owner.
"Because that is the day I'm having my leg amputated!"
All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. "The weddin's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride