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A district minister arrived one Sunday morning in a small rural town. The local minister asked the district minister to help with a local problem.

"Everyone here thinks they are just perfect!" said the local minister. "Could you preach a sermon that will bring them back to their senses?

The district minister was a gifted speaker, eloquent with words and knowledgeable about the Scripture. He spoke for nearly an hour, convincing everyone that they too were
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Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per meter madam," replied Banta (clerk).
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take five meters."
"Five meters only?", asked Banta "Hmmmmm..", girl thinks for a moment and said, "Ok give me ten meters"
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, Banta hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
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My husband and I had just finished tucking our young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically.

He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear.

Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, dad!"
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There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died...

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Phil loved golf, but his eye sight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it.

He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Phil bring along her uncle John.

Phil said, "But John is 80 years old and half senile!"

His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."

Phil finally agreed and took John along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly.

He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"

John nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"

Phil excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"

John said, "Hmmm. I forgot."
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Santa applied for a loan of Rs 10,00,000.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What have you got for collateral?"
"What's collateral?"
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicle?"
"Yes, a Tata Sumo."
The banker shook his head, "Any fixed assets, like land, house, building or...?"
"Yes, I have five acres of land, and a small farm house."
Finally, the banker decided to make the loan.
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