A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry's Ape Removal. So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun. Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!" The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!" Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!" The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance." The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs."
A woman walks into a pet shop hoping to find the right pet. She wonders around for a while and she stumbles on to this big ass parrot in this huge cage.
She checks it out for a minute and notices that the parrot has two strings hanging down. On the right foot is a red string and on the left foot is a yellow string. She calls the pet shop manager over and asks him what the strings mean.
He say's, "Well madam, if you pull the red string he will sing a hymn
If animals have Facebook..... these are most likely to be their Status Updates!
Cockroach: Managed to skip from some one's foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!
Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her? I don't even remember... Mosquito: I am HIV positive... this is all due to wrong sucking.
Pig: Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu...WTF!!!
Chicken: If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC.