Jokes on the relationship of husband and wife are more hilarious. Here are some of such jokes that can get you turned on in case you are getting bored.


During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled,

"How'd you do that?"
"I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."
After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!"
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A woman goes to the doctor, and shes beaten black and blue.

Doctor: What happened?

Woman, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my boyfriend comes home drunk he knocks lumps out of me."

Doctor, "I think I might have a cure for that. When your boyfriend comes home drunk, just take a mug of tea and start swishing it around in your mouth but don't swallow it. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to his bed."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor no sign of bruising whatsoever.

Woman, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my boyfriend came home drunk, I swished with the tea. I just swished and swished, like washing machine and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor, "See how much keeping your fuckin mouth shut helps?"
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A lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told her.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the lady asked.

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There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died...

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"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Peter told his friend Alex.

Alex suggests, "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?"

"But what if my wife finds out?" asks Peter.

"Heck, this is a new age we live in, Peter. Go ahead and tell her about it!" said Alex.

So Peter went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."

"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that - it didn't work."
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A man sitting at the window one evening casually calls to his wife, "There''s that woman that our next door neighbor is fooling around with!"

His wife dropped the plate she was drying, ran into the living room, knocked over a vase and broke it on her way to the window.

"WHERE? WHERE? she demanded.

"Right over there on the corner. The lady in the blue dress."

"YOU IDIOT! THAT''S HIS WIFE!!!"

"Yes, I know," the husband said, with a satisfied grin.
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