A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading.
A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man", the priest replied. "Imagine that", the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father", the drunk said and added, "I just read in the paper that the Pope does".
A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
Banta went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses ?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh ! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."
Reaching the end of the job interview, the interviewer asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate responded confidently, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package," The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a benefits package would of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two year - say a red Corvette?" The graduate sat up, mouth agape and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer responded, "Of course ... but you started it !"