A pastor at a frontier church ended a stirring sermon with, "All those who want to go to heaven, put up your hands!" Everybody enthusiastically raised their hands ... everybody except a grizzled old cowboy who had been slouching against the doorpost at the back of the room. All heads turned as he sauntered up to the front, spurs jangling and said, "Preacher, that was too easy. How do you know if these folks are serious? I can guarantee to prove who really means it and who don't!" Bemused and not a little frightenened the preacher said, "Ok, my friend, go ahead and put the faith of these good people to the test. Ask them anything you want." At that the cowboy pulled his pistol, turned to the audience and said, "Alright ... who wants to go heaven ... raise your hands!"
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach.
Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.
Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they'd left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along.
A blonde enters a restaurant and goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. On the board, she sees a piece of paper that reads "Ocean Cruise - Only $10".
She pulls the piece of paper from the board and goes to the address listed on the back of it. She enters the building and hands the paper to the secretary who nods and asks the blonde if she has ten dollars. The blonde takes five dollars from her purse and gives it to the secretary.
Santa's wife, Jeeto, goes into a pet store one day. She says to the clerk, "I need a pet to keep me company." "Well," replies the clerk. "How about this nice parrot? He'll talk to you." "Hey, that's great." She likes the idea and buys the parrot and takes him home. Next day, Jeeto comes back to the pet store. "You know, that parrot isn't talking to me yet," she says. "Hmmm, let's see," says the clerk. "I know! You buy this little ladder for his cage