A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl.
The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.
He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived.
As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can't touch those babies. You aren't sterile!"
With out missing a beat, he retorted "You're telling me!"
Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation. By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress. Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord
Santa calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help ! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child ?" He says, "No! This is her husband!"
There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived
The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING, The woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
What men invented that women enjoys?
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.
The man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX, The woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING, Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... While the women STUCK to shopping.