Mrs. Santa had bought a beautiful sweater for Santa. She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said:
The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage .You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.
Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is loosing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten dollar
A 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above "You will live to be 100." She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100." Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I ve got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon s office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
Banta went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired Banta in surprise, "When am I going to get time to see the city?"