An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours.
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.
He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."
Santa is sitting at the coffee shop, staring morosely into his coffee. Banta walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts, he asks Santa what the problem is. "Well," said Santa, "I ran afoul of one of those questions my wife asks. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Banta. "My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly." "That's easy," said Banta. "You just say 'Of course I will!" "Yeah," said Santa, "that's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO.'"
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Kumar became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a drop dead gorgeous young lady.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the lady suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Kumar, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Kumar was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," replied his wife, consolingly, "I did."
Santa was brought to court on charges of drunken driving. Just before the trial, there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gavel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." Santa immediately responded, "Thank you , your honour, I will have a scotch and soda."