The Major went out to find that none of his soldiers were there. One finally ran up, sweating heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran five miles, and now I'm here." The Major was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the soldier go. Moments later, more soldiers came up to
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. "What happened to you?", asked Bill. "Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me," said the driver. "My God, what did you tell them?", asks Clinton. The driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig."
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice. The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, and go to Vegas." Again the man ignores the voice, though he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day
'What kind of detective is Banta?' 'Well, once a burglar wearing calf-skin gloves robbed a safe. Banta took the fingerprints and five days later arrested a cow in Haryana.'
Guy: Will you be free during the weekend, you come to my house?
Girl: Am sorry, I can't make it because I will be attending my aunt's wedding and the next day I'l be busy, I'm so occupied.
Guy: Oh! Ok, was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone5, then buy you a new dress and the brazzilian hair you've been asking for...
Girl: I will be coming and I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love.