After dying this cat walked up to the Pearly Gates where he met St Peter. St. Peter says to the cat, "During your time on earth, you were a good little cat. You kept your masters house & barn free of pests, and for this faithful service, you get one wish for anything you would particularly like. The cat thinks for a moment before replying, "Well, my master had this satin pillow that I loved, so I would like a satin pillow just like that one. St. Peter replies,
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered. "That s right! You may enter." St. Peter turned to the lawyer, "Name them."
Husband sent a text to wife at night, "Hi babe I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."
He sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She text back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went