Santa, Banta and one of their friends are patients in a mental institution and are preparing for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If they pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes them to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then Banta jumps and breaks both legs. Santa looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. To which Santa answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
Santa wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's New Year's Party. Santa is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Santa had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of Disprins next to a glass of water on the side table.
Telephone in the White House rang. "Hello Mr. Bush," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Santa down in Ludhiana, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Santa ," Bush replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," says Santa after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my friend Banta , my next door neighbour Gurinder and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village.
It was the morning after, and he sat groaning and holding his head. "Well, if you hadn't drunk so much last night you wouldn't feel so bad now," the wife said tartly. "My drinking had nothing to do with it," he answered. "I went to bed feeling wonderful and woke up feeling awful. It was the sleep that did it!"
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. The teacher was asking them all questions: "Sanju, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Ajay, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Rahul, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Dolly, what sound does a mouse make?" "Ummm... It goes click!"