Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited. "Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis, he said. The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. "I will come in the morning." The man protested, "But doctor, my wife is really serious." The doctor replied, "I took out your wife s appendix two years ago. She can not have another." The caller protested, "That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife!"
A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff. Full of fear, he assessed his situation.
He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there
An old married couple is in bed one night about to fall asleep when suddenly the husband farts. His wife is disgusted and screams at him, "Don't fart!!!" Husband says, "Shut your mouth." A few minutes later he farts again. She screams "Please stop farting!!!" Again he says, "Just shut your mouth." She is really pissed off and finally she asks him, "How come when I ask you to stop farting, you never listen, you just tell me to shut my mouth???" "Well" says the husband, "I didn't want to have to tell you, but your breath is what really stinks."
The story goes that a certain court jester went too far one day and insulted his king. The king became so infuriated that he sentenced the jester to be executed.
His court prayed upon the king to have mercy for this man who had served him well for so many years.
After a time, the king relented only enough to give the jester his "choice" as to how he would like to die.
True to form, the jester replied, "If it's all the same to you my Lord, I'd like to die of old age."