I was stopped by the cops in a control, and one of the officers was convinced that I was drunk. I had to answer some questions, which would determine whether I was under the influence, or sober.
Cop: "If you are driving on a road and see two lights, what is it?" "A car, I think" I replied.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the one say, 'Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it."
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.
They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?", asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.
"How much do they cost?" he asked the clerk.
"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2 to $2,000."
"Let's see the $2 model," he said.
The clerk put the device around the man's neck, "You just stick this piece of plastic in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket," he instructed.
"How does it work?" the customer asked.
"For $2, it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."