A Pole, an Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby.
"Is it yours?" she asks the Italian.
"Certainly not," he retorts.
"Yours?" she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity.
"How about you?" she asks the Jew.
"Maybe," he says glumly. "My wife burns everything."
An army major to wife, he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks, and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action.
"The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters."
"No, honey," he explained patiently. "Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly!"
Ek din khuda ne mujhse kaha: "Mat kar intezar is janam mein uska, Milna mushkil hai. Maine bhi keh diya: "Lene de maza intezar ka, agle janam mein to mumkin hai."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Mat kar itna pyar bahut pachhtayega." Muskura ke maine kaha: "Dekhte hain tu kitna mujhe tadpayega."
Phir khuda ne kaha: "Bhool ja use, Chal tujhe jannat ki apsra se milata hu." Maine kaha: "Aa neeche dekh mere pyar ka muskurata chehra, tujhe jannat ki apsra bhulvata hu.
Gusse mein khuda ne kaha: "Mat bhool apni aukaat tu to ek insaan hai." Haas kar Maine kaha: "Toh mila de mujhe mere pyar se aur Saabit kar ki tu hi Bhagwan hai."
Phir khuda ne guuse mein uski mujhse shadi kara di. Sab bhoot utar gaya.
One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are you that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten to kill you?" "No," replied the nervous immigrant. "Did you hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill you?" "No." "Did someone tell you that your wife is gonna kill you?" "No." "Then