A pastor at a frontier church ended a stirring sermon with, "All those who want to go to heaven, put up your hands!"
Everybody enthusiastically raised their hands.... everybody except a grizzled old cowboy who had been slouching against the door post at the back of the room.
All heads turned as he sauntered up to the front, spurs jangling and said, "Preacher, that was too easy. How do you know if these folks are serious? I can guarantee to prove who really means it and who don't!"
Bemused the preacher said, "Ok, stranger, go ahead and put the faith of these good people to the test. Ask them anything you want."
At that, the cowpoke pulled his twin six-shooters, turned to the audience and said, "Alright... who wants to go to heaven... raise your hands!"
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come everyday to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."
An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. To show just "how" the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:
"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2000 Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."
Three Engineers and three Accountants are going on a business trip by train. At the train station, the 3 accountants are ordering 3 tickets while the engineers are only ordering one ticket. The accountants ask "Why only one ticket ?", the engineers reply that they have a scheme to save money. So they all board the train and upon departure, the 3 engineers get into one bathroom. When the Train Controller checks for tickets, he takes the three tickets from the seated
The staff at the office where my wife works was hosting a farewell luncheon for a retiring colleague. As the group prepared to go to the restaurant, they found that they couldn't fit the giant balloon they had purchased for the guest of honor into the car.
Determined to bring it along, they simply held the balloon out the window as they drove to the luncheon location.
However they weren't prepared for the glares and dirty looks they were getting from pedestrians and adjoining cars at every intersection.
As the long line of traffic in front of their vehicle began to turn, they discovered that their car was right behind a long funeral procession.
There was really nothing they could do but hold on to the balloon with its large farewell message: