Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "It's Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive my friend Johne home and of course I had to go in for
A boy is watching television and hears the name Jesus Christ and about the good deeds of Jesus Christ and his greatness. Wondering who Jesus Christ is, he asks his mother. She tells him that she is busy and directs him to his father. His father is also busy and so he goes to his elder brother. His brother kicks him out of the room, because he does not have time to answer his stupid questions. Very curious, he goes downtown and sees a bum in an alley. He asks the bum, "Who is Jesus Christ?" and the bum replies, "Well, I am." The boy, not believing the bum, asks for proof. So the bum takes the boy into the bar down the street and takes him inside. They walk up to the bar and the bartender exclaims, "Jesus Christ, are you in here again?"
One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.
On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."
The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious...!
"We can't worship today. You do NOT yet believe," he said.
"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe!"
"Believe???" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas???"
Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."
Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.
"My dear Mr. Wilson", she gushed, "Fancy meeting you here on the bus. I am glad to see you! Why you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired!"
The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether or not she can get your husband out of jail."
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!"