Mulla Nasruddin's family was upset because the girl he was planning to marry was an atheist.
"We'll not have you marrying an atheist," his mother said.
"What can I do? I love her," the young Nasruddin said.
"Well," said his mother, "if she loves you, she will do anything you ask. You should talk religion to her. If you are persistent, you can win her over."
Several weeks went by, then one morning at breakfast the young Mulla seemed absolutely brokenhearted.
"What's the matter?" his mother asked. "I thought you were making such good progress in your talks about religion to your young girlfriend."
"That's the trouble," said Nasruddin. I over did it. Last night she told me that, she was so convinced that she is going to study to be a nun.
A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . . perhaps it's about time for a kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, honey."
The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Don't you think it's about time you pay me that first penny?", said the guy.
A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
There was a businessman, and he was feeling really crook, and he went to see the Doctor about it.
The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods."
The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that's your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you'll have to give them up!!"
Q: How do you measure a His intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear! Q: What is Banta doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did Banta stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: How do you keep him busy? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: Why can't Banta make ice cubes? A: He always forget the recipe. Q: How did he try to kill the bird? A: He threw it off a cliff. Q: Why did he take his typewriter to the doctor ? A: He thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Santa goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." Santa then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." Santa says, "I ll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It s a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" Santa replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." flask."