An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 miles home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls
Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with "the boys."
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... promise! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I went home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness - even
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she Asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial --it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your