Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything-tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short everything that they could think of. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, they took Johnny down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.
After the first day, little Johnny came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and paper were spread
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died.
When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.
Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house.
"You did a great job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
The painter thanked him and agreed to do that. Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.
Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?"
"Nope," replied the painter. "I'm a man of my word. I'm here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman knocked on his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him an asked, "May I ask where your wife is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming back?"
"I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now!"
"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money." "Why do you say that?" "Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."