A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer.
Bartender says, "That is a small glass of beer, son. Everything in Texas is big."
Then he ordered a small steak. When the waitress brings it to him, it is this huge 40 oz. piece of meat. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak.
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We have all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS: Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS: Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Baby."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. However there is No difference in the outcome. Both are fatal.
Santa came home from work to find his lovely bride, Jeeto, sitting in the living room still in her bath robe. "Jeeto darling" he says "what's the matter, you are still in your robe." "Ah Dear," says Jeeto, "I was not feeling well. I didn't know what to do so I called Doctor Khurana. 'I'll need a specimen', he says and hung up. I don't know what a specimen is." "Oh! I don't know either. Why don't you go up stairs to Mrs Banta and ask her, may be she'll be able to
Santa and Banta decided to start a business. They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. They waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but nobody turned up. WHY ? - B'cos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes and sobbed, "I'm the landlord."