Banta had always ordered a beverage by simply saying, "A Coke, please."
However, recently waitresses had been responding, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Thums Up, Dew, Sprite, Fanta... "
Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, Banta decided to make life easier. So one day he simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "Dark, Carbonated beverage."
The young man behind the counter looked up and said, "Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait
Santa got a job in a supermarket, and one day a man came in and wanted to buy half a grapefruit. I don't think we can sell half a grapefruit, said Santa, but I'll ask my boss. He walked over to the boss and said, Some idiot wants to buy half a grapefruit, then noticed that the man had followed him over and heard the comment. And this fine gentleman, Santa added, would like to buy the other half.
The Pakistani President, Gen Pervez Musharraf, is visiting his friend, U.S. President George Bush, in Washington, DC.
The U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, Mush" says Bush. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest model."
"Thank you, Mr. President, but I cannot accept this magnificent gift," replies the Musharraf.
"Oh. I understand about gift limits. I understand the problems you are having in Pakistan with your non-profit associations. Ok then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift," replies Bush. Musharraf gives Bush a dollar.
"I don't have any change ... too bad," says the President.
"No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts Musharraf.
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children