A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam.
The nurse told him to have a seat in the examination room and that the doctor would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk.
1. A tube of K-Y jelly 2. A rubber glove 3. A beer When the doctor finally came in, the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
The doctor curses in exasperation, flung open the door, and yelled, "Nurse! I said to bring me a butt light!"
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.
"My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good !!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
Vicky, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a jeweller's shop in Connaught Place, Delhi.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Vicky thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'
Vicky retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'
Two men are escaping from a Mental Hospital late one moonless night. They get to the roof of the hospital and all they have to do is jump a pretty good distance across to the next building and they are home free. The first man, a psychotic and afraid of nothing, is willing jump. The second man, however, is afraid of the dark, and is seriously considering returning to the hospital to deal with the issue. The first man volunteers to jump across with the flashlight they have brought with them, and then shine the light back across to the second man. "You can walk across on the beam of light and we will be away." "You must be crazy," replies the second man, "you ll turn the flashlight off when I m halfway across, and I'll fall!"