Julie the blonde, getting desparate for money, went into the richer neighborhoods looking for odd jobs. At the first house she called on, the man said "Yeah, I have a job for you. How about painting my porch." "Sure, said Julie, I'll do it for fifty bucks." "OK, that's great, you'll find the paint and ladder in the garage." When the man went back into the house, his wife who had been listening to this concersation said "Fifty bucks! Doesn't she know that the porch
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom.
No facilities nearby, she found a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards, out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg. The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. The doctor walked into her room.
Laughing hysterically, he said, "You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!"
As he began to compose himself, he asked, "So, how did you break YOUR leg??"
Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize. The Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."