The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down
A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet. "Is this where Banta lives?" one of the drunks asked. "Yes, it is," the woman replied. "Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"
When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation.
He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister.
"Yes," said the boy, "and I know what we're going to name it. If it's a girl, we're going to call her Emily, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."
Santa was hunting in Bhatinda recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a pigeon he had shot. A farmer came and asked Santa what he was doing on his property. "Retrieving this pigeon that I just shot", he replied. "That pigeon is on my side of the fence, so now its mine," replied the farmer. Santa asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. "No", replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care." "I am Santa
One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.
On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."
The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious.
"We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.
"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."
"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"
A married couple is driving along the highway doing a steady fourty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband abruptly looks across at her, speaking in a clear voice, and says, "Darling, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeping her eyes on the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again, saying this time, "I don't want you to try and talk