The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied, "Breakfast."
A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!
Interviewer, "We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?"
Ek Sharaabi ek Pahunche Huye BABA Ke Aashram Mein Daya.
Sharaabi: Maharaj, Main Aapki Sharan Mein Aaya Hun.... Mujh Per Kripa Kijiye.
Baba: Kya Baat Hai Beta ?
Sharaabi: Babaji Mein Sharaab Kee Vajah Se Bahut Dukhi Hun. Kripa Karke Meri Sharaab Chhudwa Deejiye !
Baba: Tum Bilkul Sahi Jagah Aaye Ho Bachcha ! Ye Samjho Tumhari Sharaab Chhoot Gayi.
Sharaabi: Jai Ho Babaji Ki ! Mujhe Vishwas Thaa Ki Aap Meri Madad Zaroor Karenge ! Ab Jaldi Se Phone Keejiye Civil Lines Thaane Ke Incharge Ko! Usne Meri 2 Peti Whiskey Zabt Kar Lee Hai !!!
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The Manager replied, "Which one? We have, 'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ... 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ... 'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ... 'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95... 'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ... and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00." "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."
One evening a man walked into a fast-food chicken place and bought a nine-piece bucket of chicken. He took his chicken to the park for a romantic dinner under the moonlight with his lady.
Upon reaching into the bucket, however, he received a surprise. Instead of chicken he discovered what was apparently the restaurant's night deposit - some nine thousand bucks. The young man brought the bucket back to the store and asked for his chicken in exchange for the money.
Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo's voice was heard answering, "Hello Raabri, this is meeee..." "Lalooji," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Laloo answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected and above all there is no scam. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his Raabri cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Punjab."