One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
On the eve of Diwali a blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?"
The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?"
"Yes."
"Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."
"Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight.
All, The procedure is, that the procedure will change until the new procedure is in place, which is also subject to change. The above procedure is invalid. The procedure to implement the procedure above has been revised. The new procedure is that there is no procedure except in the instance where a procedure already exists.(Existing procedure must be reviewed according to procedure before being followed.) Follow correct procedures in using the above procedures. This procedure is subject to change and revision at any time and you will be notified according to procedure.
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience seeing God, she asked Him if this was "it." God said, "No, I am sending you back. You have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, a tummy tuck, etc. She even had her hairdresser come to the hospital to change her
Santa, a big-game hunter, went on safari with his wife, Jeeto and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Jeeeto awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to Santa, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Santa picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. Jeeto cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said Santa. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."