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A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
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A guy walks into a bar with his girlfriend.
A very drunk man in the bar looks at the girl and says loudly, "If you were my woman, I would lick you from top to bottom like a lollipop."
The boyfriend is angered and starts to get up to kick the drunken guy's ass. The girlfriend stops him, telling him she does not want a scene. The drunken man then walks over to her and tries to give her a big sloppy kiss.
The boyfriend pulls him off and is about to beat him to a pulp
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The female brain works on a different tangent than male.

Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die!"

My wife got up from the sofa with a real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin & vodka and the beer from the fridge...
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Santa calls up the doc at 2 AM. "Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it's her appendix."

"What nonsense!" says the doc sleepily.

"I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep."

Five minutes later, the phone rings and it's Santa again.

"Doc, I'm sure it's her appendix."

"Oh God!" the doctor groaned.

"Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?"

"No...," says Santa. "But I'm sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!"
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Banta wanted to determine if both his wife, Preeto and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife, Preeto, returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress.
"She slept with nearly every man on the ship," Preeeto reported.
Disheartened Banta then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife Preeto.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" encouraged Banta asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
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An inter-office softball game was held every year between the Marketing and Support Staff of one company.

The Support Staff whipped the Marketing Department soundly. To show just 'how' the Marketing Department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:

"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 1999 Softball Season, we finished in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game this entire season."
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More Articles ...

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Blondes Article Count: 126

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