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A man walks in to a confession booth and says, "I have sinned."

"What did you do?" asks the priest.

"I've committed murder."

The priest says, "Take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven."

A women walks in to the confession booth and says, "I have sinned."

The priest asks her, "What did you do?"

"I robbed six banks."

The priest says, "Take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven."

Another man walks in to the confession booth and says, "I have sinned."

"What did you do?" asks the priest.

"I peed in the holy cup."
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Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.

"This is the worst essay I have ever had the misfortune of reading," ranted the teacher.

"It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes!"

"One person didn't," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me!"
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A girl was too vain to wear glasses, but she always managed to conceal completely the fact that she was very, very shortsighted. In due course she got married and went off with her husband on their honeymoon. When she got back her mother shrieked and ran to the telephone. She called on oculist.
"Doctor, come over here right away! It's an emergency. My daughter has always refused to wear glasses and now she's back from her honeymoon and -"
The doctor interrupted her, "Madam, please calm yourself! Ask your daughter to come to see me. No matter how bad her eyes are, it can't be that much of an emergency."
"Oh no?" screamed the mother. "Well this fellow she's got with her isn't the one she went on honeymoon with."
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A woman was driving down the highway about 80 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles.
The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room.
Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her.
Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
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One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner:
Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

Husband: Definitely not!

Wife: Why not - don't you like being married?

Husband: Of course I do.

Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Husband: Okay, I'd get married again.

Wife: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

Husband: (makes audible groan)

Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Husband: Where else would we sleep?

Wife: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Wife: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

Husband: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

Wife: - - - silence - - -

Husband: shit.shit.shit.....
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1. Atleast one of the identical twins born is evil.

2. While defusing a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut, you will always choose the right one.

3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound.

4. A police can solve a case only when he's suspended from duty.

5. (best one) If you decide to start dancing on the street, every one you meet will know the step...!!

6. Hero comes on time when it comes to save heroine while he will be always late when it comes to his Sister.
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