A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely. "God dammit, I missed," says the doctor. The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast. "Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest. "I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor. The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again. "God dammit, I missed," says the doctor. The sky darkens even more
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police.
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Late one night a preacher was making his weary way home. As he traveled the hilly, curving country road, he overtook a car. The slow moving car was weaving from one side of the road to the other in a most disturbing manner. Being familiar with most residents of the area he recognized the car as belonging to a member of his congregation.
"Oh no," said the preacher to himself, "Joe has fallen off the wagon again. The way that car is weaving, he must be really plastered
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what they do with the money they receive in the collection plate. One priest says, "Well, I draw a line on the floor, throw all the money in the air and whatever lands north of the line, I give to God, the rest I keep." The other priest says, "I do pretty much the same thing... I draw a circle, throw all the money in the air and whatever lands inside the circle, I give to God, and whatever lands outside, I keep." The rabbi says, "Well, I do the same sort of thing too. I throw all the money up in the air and whatever God grabs, he gets!"
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."