A Chinese Christian just died and went up to the Heaven. After an angel greeted him, the angel said, "Let me take you down to the Hell before we go inside the Heaven."
Once they were there, the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast. However, everybody around the table looked real sad and starving. He asked the angel why.
The angel said, "They only get a pair of 4-foot chopsticks and thus each one of them cannot feed oneself because the chopsticks are
Tragically, three friends die in an horrific car crash, and they suddenly find themselves at the gates of heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says, "Before I allow you to enter heaven I have to ask each of you a simple question." They look at each other, a little confused, and then wait for the question. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?", asks St. Peter. The first
A religious women upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, "Praise the lord."
This infuriated her atheist neighbor who would always make sure to counter back, "There is no Lord."
One morning the atheist neighbor overheard his neighbor praying for food, thinking it would be funny, he went and bought her all sorts of groceries and left them on her porch.
The next morning the lady screamed, "Praise the Lord, who gave me this food."
The neighbor screamed, "It wasn't the Lord, it was me."
The lady replied, "Praise the Lord for not only giving me food but making the atheist pay for it!!"
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading.
A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man", the priest replied. "Imagine that", the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father", the drunk said and added, "I just read in the paper that the Pope does".