Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one-day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $50."
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
"So," asks Abe, "did you get your fifty dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"
An elderly man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter welcomes him but states that the man must know how to spell the secret password to get in. The old man replies, "You mean I don't have to know it, I just have to spell it?" Saint Peter says, "Yes, that is correct, all you have to do is spell 'LOVE.'" The old mans spells out L-O-V-E with excitement. Saint Peter opens the gate and says, "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter asks the old man if he
A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.
She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. The man got
A man died and went up to heaven where he was greeted by St. Peter.
"And who are you?" asked St. Peter.
"My name is Steven Richards."
"And what did you do for a living?" asked St. Peter.
"I was unemployed."
"Unemployed, hmmm?" mused St. Peter. "And have you ever done anything good in your life?"
"As a matter of fact I have. I was walking along the street once and I saw a group of bikers who were threatening to beat up a defenceless girl. So I rushed to her rescue, pulled the ringleader off his hair, kicked him hard where it hurts and told him and his gang to clear off."
"That's highly commendable," said St. Peter flicking through the man's file, "but I can't see any report of this incident. When did it happen?"
Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment, but hired him anyway.
So after the first days of work, they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?"