A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer.
Bartender says, "That is a small glass of beer, son. Everything in Texas is big."
Then he ordered a small steak. When the waitress brings it to him, it is this huge 40 oz. piece of meat. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak.
One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender, "What all do you have".
Bartender, "We have whiskey, rum, vodka, gin, beer..."
Lord Shiva, "Let's try whiskey first, give me five bottles of whiskey."
After having five bottles of whiskey, Lord shiva decided to try Rum.
Bartender was shocked, "Who is this man, after having five bottles
There was a businessman, and he was feeling really crook, and he went to see the Doctor about it.
The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods."
The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that's your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you'll have to give them up!!"
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Thats why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and thats why beer is so GOOD for you.