In our life, problems may go from "Haywards 2000" to "Haywards 5000", but we must take them as a "Royal Challenge" otherwise people will call us "Old Monk" and put a "Black Label" on our name.
So, we must learn from "Teachers" to fight like "Jack Daniel", live like a "Bagpiper", walk like "Johny Walker", work till "8 PM" & think like "Director Special".
Then life will be "Imperial" and we will become "Aristocrat" and there will be value for our "Signature".
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend. "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here
A music hall entertainer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light and, on the back seat of the car, the policeman spots a whole set of knives.
He ask the man why he has them - doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knifes?
The man explains that the knifes are used in his act - he juggles them.
The policeman insists that the man gets out to show him, so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by and the driver turns to his wife saying, "Thank goodness I gave up the demon drink - just look how the fucking police test you these days."
If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $72.
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the 5-cent deposit, you would have $79.