A guy walks into a bar with his girlfriend. A very drunk man in the bar looks at the girl and says loudly, "If you were my woman, I would lick you from top to bottom like a lollipop." The boyfriend is angered and starts to get up to kick the drunken guy's ass. The girlfriend stops him, telling him she does not want a scene. The drunken man then walks over to her and tries to give her a big sloppy kiss. The boyfriend pulls him off and is about to beat him to a pulp
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a Bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
This guy who stutters badly, walks into a Bar, and says, "Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer". The Bartender, who is badly Humpbacked, serves him a beer and says, "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price, that's what we get!". The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, "Sssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" The Bartender
A man saw his friend limping badly as he came towards him. "Yaar, how did you get this injury to your leg?" "I did not have enough to drink," replied the other. "That does not make any sense! How can you hurt yourself by not having enough to drink?" "Very simple," replied his friend, "If I had been really and fully drunk, I would have fallen down at the shop. As I was half drunk, I tried to walk home, fell into a ditch and sprained my foot."
The barmaid came over to take their orders, "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampiresaid, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I'll have a glass of plasma." The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light"
Some ladies, who were determined to put an end to drinking in their colony, went to the house of a retired Army Officer one evening. "When did you last have a drink?" they asked "1945" replied the officer. "That is very good!" remarked the ladies very happily. "So you are a teetotaler now?" "I wouldn t call it exactly that," replied the officer, looking at his watch. "You see it is only 2015 now."