Things that are DIFFICULT to say when drunk: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Anaesthetist 4. Cinnamon 5. Chrysanthemum
Things that are VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk: 1. Specificity 2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition 3. Anti-constitutionalistically 4. Transubstantiate 5. Sphygmomanometer
Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope
A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the shy guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean Rs 1000?"
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
On his first date with a beautiful woman, Joe decided to impress her with his knowledge of wine. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Chabernet Sauvignon from the Carneros District.
Upon tasting the wine, Joe berated the steward, "No, no, this is a 1987 Vintage from the North Coast Vineyards near Calistoga. Please bring me what I ordered."
The second bottle of wine was poured, and once again Joe was annoyed, "No, no, this is 1985 all
It was the morning after, and he sat groaning and holding his head. "Well, if you hadn't drunk so much last night you wouldn't feel so bad now," the wife said tartly. "My drinking had nothing to do with it," he answered. "I went to bed feeling wonderful and woke up feeling awful. It was the sleep that did it!"