A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field about 10 miles from his farm. To get there he must drive his tractor, and his dog old Joe trots along beside him.
Halfway through the plowing, the tractor runs out of fuel. He wanders out to the road and flags down a ride, which just happens to be a Ferrari.
The driver says, "You can have a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A duck walked into a general store, waddled up to the counter and asked: "Got any peanuts?"
"No," said the assistant.
The following day the duck was back again, "Got any peanuts?"
"No," said the assistant firmly.
The next day duck came in again, "Got any peanuts?"
"No," yelled the assistant. "I've told you we don't have any peanuts. If you come back in here again and ask for peanuts, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor."
The next day the duck came in again, "Got any nails?"
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks