Santa is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour, but yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."
Santa and Banta are visting London for the first time. They see a sign reading, "Suits Pound 15, Shirts Pound 2, Trousers Pound 3." "Wow," says Banta. "we should snap up some of these bargains and sell them at a profit when we get home." Santa agrees and they go into the shop. "Twenty suits, 50 shirts and 30 pairs of trousers, please," says Santa to the assitant behind the counter. "You're not from around here, are you?" said the assistant. "No," answered Banta. "How did you know?" The assistant replies, "This is a dry cleaners."
A group of soldiers arriving in Jammu found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, the instructor decided to determine how well the class had grasped the information given. "Santa," he said, pointing to one of the solders, "say your platoon leader sustains a head injury during a cross-country march. What do you do about it?" "That's easy, Sir," said Santa. "I wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stops."
Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when cannibals capture him. The eclipse is due the next day around noon.
To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a "GOD" and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right.
So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill
Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
Banta asked, "Can you explain?"
Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."