My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.
He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks.
A Panda bear walks into a bar. Sits down at a table and orders a beer and a double cheeseburger. After he is finished eating, he pulls out a gun and rips the place with gunfire. Patrons scatter and dive under chairs and tables as the bear runs out the door. After ensuring that no one is hurt, the bartender races out the door, and calls after the bear "What the censored did you do that for?" The bear calls back, "I'm a Panda bear. Look it up in the dictionary." The bartender returns, pulls out his dictionary.
Panda : \Pan"da\, n. (Zo["o]l.) A small Asiatic mammal (Ailurus fulgens) having fine soft fur. It is related to the bears, and inhabits the mountains of Northern India. Eats shoots and leaves.
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well, " the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
The doctor told Santa that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Santa called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. What is the problem?" asked the doctor. I am 2400 kms from home."
A custody battle in Santa Ana, CA, took an unusual turn when the mother of a 3-year-old girl claimed the girl's father is actually a woman. Kristie Vecchione, 27, said her husband became a man through sex-change operations more than 20 years ago. Vecchione, who was impregnated by artificial insemination, wants sole custody of her daughter on claims that same-sex marraiges are not recognized in the state of California.