Having lost his donkey, Santa got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" Santa replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I was not riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest.
He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it's about.
"Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks.
The Priest, being polite, responds "Well, Sir, because I'm a father."
"I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal."
"Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many"
The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don't know most their names, and still my collar isn't backwards."
The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm, "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!"
The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest, "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."
After setting sail on a solo voyage around the world, Peter Goss, 35, said an inflamed tendon in his arm began causing problems. Three months into the voyage, he operated on himself to repair the tendon, using a flashlight strapped to his head for illumination and following faxed instructions from a French doctor. "It's a strange sensation slicing away at yourself with a scalp
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe in a distant jungle. The chief comes to them and says,"The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison. The Frenchman cries, "Vive la France!", quaffs the poison, and dies The Englishman says
Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner!
So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood.
Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and