An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when cannibals capture him. The eclipse is due the next day around noon.
To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a "GOD" and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right.
So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill
An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself in to the doctor's office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let
A group of soldiers arriving in Jammu found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, the instructor decided to determine how well the class had grasped the information given. "Santa," he said, pointing to one of the solders, "say your platoon leader sustains a head injury during a cross-country march. What do you do about it?" "That's easy, Sir," said Santa. "I wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stops."
Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
Banta asked, "Can you explain?"
Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief.
Santa and the local priest were always fighting and arguing, and eventually they finished up in court.
After listening to evidence from bath sides, the magistrate said, "I feel sure that this can be settled amicably. Shake hands with each other, and say something for good will."
The priest shook Santa's hand and said, "I wish for you what you wish for me."
"See, Your Honour," said Santa. "HE'S STARTING AGAIN."