"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Indian Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and
Banta was bragging to his boss one day, You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Banta how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Banta and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruises door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Banta! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch
Santa is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour, but yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor
Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
Santa and Banta are visting London for the first time. They see a sign reading, "Suits Pound 15, Shirts Pound 2, Trousers Pound 3." "Wow," says Banta. "we should snap up some of these bargains and sell them at a profit when we get home." Santa agrees and they go into the shop. "Twenty suits, 50 shirts and 30 pairs of trousers, please," says Santa to the assitant behind the counter. "You're not from around here, are you?" said the assistant. "No," answered Banta. "How did you know?" The assistant replies, "This is a dry cleaners."