Santa is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Santa a pop quiz, asking: 'What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?' Santa says: 'I would switch one train to another track.' 'What if the lever broke?' asks the inspector. 'Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there', answers
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to Heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
A woman is watching the news on TV and they are reporting live from a helicopter about a man driving down the highway going the wrong way. All the other cars are swerving all over the place trying to avoid hitting this guy.
She calls her husband to warn him as he knows that he travels on that highway at this time.
She says to him, "There's this crazy driver on the highway going the wrong direction."
He replies emphatically, "Just one, hell there's a whole bunch of them going the wrong way."
Men are very Kind and Women are very Selfish! Wanna Proof??
Most women don't like to help unknown men; But all men are ready anytime to help unknown women. Aurat ke dil mein sirf uske lover ya pati ke liye jagah hoti hai.... But Aadmi ka dil itna bada hota hai ki us mein...
Dost ki girlfriend. Biwi ki friends. Saamne waali. Baaju waali. Oopar waali. Neeche waali. Kaam waali. Apni saali. Bhai ki saali. Behan ki nanad. Kids ki madams. aur Thodi Bahut biwi ke liye bhi jagah hoti hai....
Sach mein Aadmi ka dil bahut bada hota hai... Meri toh aankhe bhar aayi.
A man got a call from his doctor who said "I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?" The man says "The bad news." The doctor says "The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!" The man exclaimed "What could be more terrible than that!!??" The doctor replied "we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!"