On their anniversary night, Santa and his wife, Jeeto, sat down in the den with her favourite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself. "How romantic!" Jeeto thought. Two-and-a-half hours later, Jeeto was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess. Santa, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long, I had to refill the pepper shaker." "Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?" "More than an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes."
Santa was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Jeeto was really pissed.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 10-15 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning Santa got up early and left for work. When Jeeto woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, Jeeto put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the dark, stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She got out of bed, cautiously went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She opened the door to the cellar and went down to the steps to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying. She asked him, "What's wrong with you?" He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years." Baffled, she said, "Yes." The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today."
If animals have Facebook..... these are most likely to be their Status Updates!
Cockroach: Managed to skip from some one's foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!
Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her? I don't even remember... Mosquito: I am HIV positive... this is all due to wrong sucking.
Pig: Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu...WTF!!!
Chicken: If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC.
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!"