A priest who was walking through a small town saw a blackboard outside the front door of a school. It had been washed and put out to dry in the open air. There was a piece of chalk at the foot of the blackboard.
The priest took the chalk and wrote in large letters, "I'm a priest and I pray for you all."
A lawyer happened to pass next and when he saw what the priest had written, he added under it, "I'm a lawyer and I defend you all."
Then, a doctor came by, took the piece of chalk, and wrote on the blackboard, "I'm a doctor and I cure you all."
Finally, an ordinary citizen stopped, looked at what the others had written, thought for a few seconds and then added, "I am an ordinary citizen and I pay for you all."
A husband had always been disdainful of people who, in his estimation, talk too much. Recently he proudly told his wife hed heard that men use 2200 words a day, while women use 4400. The wife thought about that a moment, then concluded, "That's because women have to repeat everything they say to their husbands.", to which he looked up and asked, "Come again?"
One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a res- taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.
"Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
A wife was furious with her husband, saying, "You're an idiot. You have always been an idiot. You'll always be an idiot. If they had an idiot contest, you'd come in second."