Santa and Banta met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Banta: Well, Santa, what do you want to do now? Santa: Badminton? Banta: Nah. Santa: Shoot some pool? Banta: Nah. Santa: Cards? Banta: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and fool around with my wife, Preeto. Santa: What do you mean? Banta: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool around with my wife. Santa: What about me? Banta: She's a sport. She won't mind at all. Santa: Well... if you think it's okay...
At Banta's house Banta: Preeto, I'm home. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone shopping. Tell you what, Santa, Let's go to your house!
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car
At dawn the telephone rings... "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot - he is dead." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?" "Si, Senor, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" "From eating the rotten
A guy walk into a bar and he orders a whiskey. He sits down and just before he takes a sip of his whiskey a guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your house burnt down!"
So he runs outside but then he thinks, "I don't have a house."
So he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey.
Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!"
And so he runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways but then thinks, "I don't